So we're thinking about expanding our family.
And I'm torn, #1 has been an absolute wonderful experience, she's everything I didn't know that kids could be and even though I had no problems in finding a reason to live before she was here, she has taken the #1 spot the moment she was there!
And I'm quite sure #2 would be similar but my very next thought is that (s)he would not be #1 ... so I'm really torn that I would want to give #2 the same as #1 but I'm sure it will not be, it might even be better but that does not change my feelings, (s)he will not be #1.
And it's not financial, that does play a bit but we're doing OK in that department.
My wife and I are both single children and I've never ever felt it as something missing, my wife did, so perhaps that is it, I don't know, can't know what having siblings is.
Another thing that I fear is time, my wife and I have had a pretty free life, and are enjoying some freedom again (#1 is coming up to her 2nd birthday), if there is a #2 then it will push that freedom back by another 2-3 years, I didn't mind with #1 but from what I hear from other parents free time will be even less with an additional kid.
Before #1 I was not really pro-children but am very, very happy to have #1, I think I'm more pro #2 than I was before #1 and probably all this doubt will fade away when/if #2 comes but it is playing in my mind, and feels good to put it in writing a bit.
ps. Religion really doesn't come into play here. My wife, though a church going Catholic, she's quite liberal about it and doesn't seem to force things, contrary to the grandparents who have given those awful children bibles (I'm gonna make a version with the story of Lot's daughters and see how good that sells ;) ) but that will not change and they do not dictate our lives, those books have been put in a box far away from #1.
3 comments:
We have the same thing going on here at our house. Only our #1 is now four years old and a #2 might be medically complicated.
Our girl would be a fantastic big sister and I always just assumed we'd be a family of four someday. But, the farther we get from diapers, and the more I reclaim my brain for grown-up tasks, the more trepidation I have about a #2.
Your post struck me because it's practically a transcript of our discussions here. Good luck!
Thanks for that comment, I added your blog to my reader :-)
If before even becoming pregnant there were elevated risks of medical issues I would probably decide against.
Good luck to you too.
Our #1 was planned, #2 was a suprise they are like chalk and cheese. They are both all but grown up now but they certainly have been company for each other. Don,t worry too much about trying to be exactly fair as they will want different things from you, and will perceive things in different ways. Go for it. Jeezus I never thought I would be encouraging some one to produce another Belgian.
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